Parenting with Music

Winter holidays offer a unique opportunity for parents to spend quality time with their kids. In counseling sessions, I often encourage parents to connect with their kids/teens/college students by asking them to teach you something.  It surprises me how often adults only assume the role of teacher and miss out on all their children have to teach them.  When you show interest in the music, books, video games, and activities that your child likes, they are allowing you an important glimpse into their world.

When my 24-year-old was 14, I started asking them to play their music for me in the car. We would listen and chat about why they liked it, where the band was touring, or how they learned about the artist. One day in the car, they asked me if I wanted them to start a playlist for me by adding the songs they played for me that I liked. The playlist called “songs my mom heard in the car and liked” was born. For 10 years I have listened to their music on long drives and around town. For 10 years I have learned about their hopes and dreams, frustrations, and heartbreaks while listening to their music and occasionally chiming in “will you add this one” when I really like a song. For 10 years I have expanded my world by valuing theirs.

This playlist captures the history of their teen and college years. It allows us to reminisce and reminds us of all the years of attention and collaboration that went into making it. Last weekend, I was in the car with my child and their spouse and we decided to start a new playlist and include their spouse in our fun. The second playlist got its first songs and I can only hope that 10 years from now we are talking about starting the third.

During your winter holiday travel, I encourage you to ask your child to play their music during the next car ride. I hope you will ask to share the earbuds in the airport so you can listen to the same music while you wait on your flight. I encourage you to ask your child to start a playlist for you.  Someday, maybe you will also have the pleasure of riding around with your adult child enjoying this musical history that you created together.